In this lesson, we will be discussing rebuilding trust. My mentor taught me something profound about trust in relationships-
Rebuilding trust occurs through time, and consistent, right behavior, if all things are equal.
Remember, rebuilding trust is unique from forgiving. I could forgive someone today, perhaps for something they did last week that really hurt me, but it may take time to rebuild the trust. Trust always takes time and consistent right behavior. Trust is separate from forgiving, which is a choice. Trust is also separate from grieving.
When I get hurt, there’s the grieving process I have to go through, then there’s the forgiving process, and finally the rebuilding of trust. I can’t just choose to trust; it must have integrity. True peacemakers want peace, but don’t compromise integrity, and rebuilding trust requires integrity; you can’t bypass it and truly rebuild trust.
When I said trust is rebuilt through time and consistent, right behavior, all things being equal, what did I mean? There may be something in me that is blocking the rebuilding of trust if the other person is, over time, consistently repenting. If there’s something in me that needs to be healed, I have to take that to God, or to a counselor or a trusted mentor to get help. After this, I can go back now and take the next step of trust.
The main two errors are really- I’m going to trust too quickly without integrity, or there’s something that’s hindering me in rebuilding that trust. If you can remember the three keys- grieving, forgiving, and rebuilding trust with integrity, that’ll help you understand what needs to be addressed when going through the process of rebuilding trust in a healthy way.